Thursday, February 26, 2015

Let's get real: Talking Babies

It's always distressing for me when people ask when my husband and I are going to have kids. This is because, as thirty somethings, this question comes up often. When? How many? etc, etc. The thing is, my husband and I AREN'T having kids. Long before we got married my husband and I had many discussions about children and made a conscious decision not to have them. End of discussion right? WRONG! What started out as my parents disappointment turned into family, friends, and even complete strangers trying to convince us we needed kids and even becoming downright hostile when the answer was still a resounding NO!
Now let me explain something here. I LOVE kids. I adore them! I have nephews and nieces who I absolutely love to spend time with and who I would do anything for. And then at the end of the day I give them back to their parents and go back to my completely fulfilling life. Is this cheating? Yeah a little, I get to have all the fun and none of the responsibility. But my husband and I made, what I repeat, was a CONSCIOUS decision not to have kids.
To start from the beginning, I was never a girl who wanted loads of babies, or quite frankly, to even get married. My goals in life were never to have the house with the white picket fence, the 2 kids and 1 dog scenario. I have never had a maternal instinct and quite frankly doubt it will develop all the sudden. To put it simply, motherhood was never something that I felt I needed or wanted.
Now, I have a few friends who really really want kids desperately and can't have them. This saddens me to no end. And yes, even makes me feel guilty. To be fair though, and realistic, even if I did have said baby, what would that change for anyone else? I feel like so often in life we get caught up with our own needs and wants that when it's not the same as someone else's we feel they owe it to us to live out our own wishes. Why is that?
In a recent conversation with a friend, she kept saying to me she couldn't understand my not wanting kids because her kids were the most important thing in her life, as they should be. I explained to her that in my current situation I feel complete fulfillment. I don't feel like I need to have a child to add to that. And I don't feel that I need have a child because somebody else needed that. Looking at it realistically, if I had a child, it's me who would have to raise that child, it's me who would have to pay for that child and stay up all night and worry about that child so it's quite interesting to me that so many people have opinions on the matter. 
This is not to say I don't understand people's curiosity. Whenever you encounter a different way of thinking it's a normal reaction to want to know why. I have a lot of really good friends who do just genuinely want to know my feelings on the matter. Which is great, its not something I shy away from talking about. But what I struggle with is the people who think you should just have them because that's the "normal" thing to do. Or the people that think because you don't want children that you hate them or can't possibly be a good person. None of these things stand true for either me or my husband. 
At the end of the day, I feel like people should always take a step back and understand what they truly want or need in life and what it would take to make them happy and DO IT. Despite what other people might think, not everything is right for everybody, and that's what makes us all unique and special!

Tell me, what makes you feel fulfilled?


  1. GREAT post. Very well written! I don't like kids as much as the wifey does, but just because I lack the patience required to deal with misbehaving kids, which we all know is a huge part of being a parent. Lol

    My hobbies, entrepreneurship and life with my wifey and family keeps me fulfilled.

    To be fair, I don't feel like I have enough money or time to raise a kid responsibly, so I feel like I'm also being responsible in my choices not to have children.